The 9 Types of January Diners

So... which one are you?

Reservations are down. So is revenue. Is there a worst month for restaurants than January? Every year, our favorite industry is forced to lurch through 31 days of dining doldrums before it can resuscitate itself come February.

Well, we only have ourselves to blame, and some of us are more guilty than others. So what kind of January diner are you? Funny you should ask...

The Soup Enthusiast
We all know the one friend who’s gotten a little too into soup — they’re asking the chef for the recipe at the end of the meal. It’s half romanticizing winter, half delusions that the third packet of oyster crackers isn’t going straight to the bottom line. Beach bodies begin in winter but not at the bottom of your broccoli cheddar bowl.

The Sunday Sports Bar Football Fan
Fantasy football still exists for some, but not you, friend who finished in last place. Still, you’re not giving up a standing 6-top with the fellas at Wogies every Sunday. While the rest of us are mapping out the year or catching up on sleep, you’re standing in solidarity with the boys and a beer tower, mock-drafting for the 2026 season (“our year”). And yes — the jersey stays on (“Babe”).

The Dry Januarist
Isn’t Dry January basically No Nut November for the sobriety/non incel-crowd? It’s a virtue-signalling fad, a month of Instagram posts from goody-goodies bragging about being on the wagon while silently white-knuckling it until they can binge drink in February. We’re not saying you shouldn’t give up sweet, sweet alcohol for a few weeks. More power to you! We are saying you don’t have to make “I’m Not Drinking And Neither Should You” your entire personality.

The ‘It’s a Great Day for Drinking’ Friend
The opposite of the Dry January Goody-Goody is the Jolly Ol’ Boozehound who loves to hole up in warm, dark bars and drink the day/night away as snow falls and the temperature drops. That person sure is fun! They love a hot toddy, too! Of course, once everything thaws, they can quickly turn into ‘I Don’t Have A Problem’ Friend, but let’s worry about that in the spring?

The Carbo-Loader
January means eating all the pasta. Not some. All of it. No more pasta? Moving on to dumplings.

The Fondude
You could call them the friend with the après-ski problem, but we just think Fondude’s got a little more razzle dazzle to it (aside from the gendering – sorry ‘bout that). While the rest of us are hibernating over takeout, or devoting ourselves to juice cleanses and other half-baked health hacks (see below), these kings and queens are living it up in Aspen, Whistler, St. Moritz, Gstaad, Lech, Verbier, and other wintry enclaves downing melted cheese like fine wine and deleting all manners of drinks as if après were a medal event in the upcoming Cortina Games.

The Health Nut
Keto, gluten-free, juice cleanses, some weird nut diet resembling that of a squirrel stocking up for winter. Summer is 165 days away and you’re determined to look good in that swimsuit. The budget for dining out has been reallocated to a $400 Equinox membership and an annual pass to Bathhouse, but we’ll see you at Emmett’s in February for a pizza and a martini when you fall back in line.

The Homebody
There are four different Venmos staring at you from December’s slew of holiday dinners. Of course, that one friend had to order champagne under the guise of ’tis the season and sure, you ordered the three-level seafood tower, but “it’s actually more economical than getting seafood à la carte.” Whatever the story is, it’s peanut-butter-and-jellies for you, friend.

The Reservation Hunter
For those who kept it between the ears in December, your reward awaits. There’s perhaps no better time to dine out in New York or anywhere else. Bar seats are open (but, really, should they be reserve-able in the first place?), juicy four-tops are popping up on Resy and OpenTable left and right. There’s a calm magnanimity to restaurants in January — the pours are a little taller, the atmosphere a little chiller. This is for the true veterans, the regulars, the folks who show up rain or shine not just for the ball drop. We salute you.