My Life in Meals: Kareem Rahma

"I always get table pancakes, which is my invention. The hack is to cut the stack of pancakes like a pizza, then you pour the syrup on. That way the syrup gets sponged."

Illustration by Clara Arnold

Kareem Rahma is a three-time Webby-nominated writer, producer, comedian, and musician. He is the creator and host of two hit digital series: KEEP THE METER RUNNING and SUBWAYTAKES, which have both amassed 100s of millions of views on TikTok and Instagram. In 2020, his book of poetry, WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS, was published with Brooklyn-based Pioneer Works, and his band TINY GUN continues to perform all over New York's most iconic venues including Baby's All Right and The Knitting Factory. 

My father used to eat the eyeballs out of fish. He was an adventurous eater. I don't do any of those things. I like the parts of the animals that are not considered delicacies.

There was this one time that I was in Cairo with him and he ordered this wonderful looking sub sandwich from a street vendor. He told me it was chicken. I was 13 years old. I said, ‘cool, I'll take a fried chicken sandwich, too.’ I took a bite out of it and I was like, ‘this is great!’ Later on that day, my dad revealed to me that it was cow brains. That was par for the course. My dad was like that movie Big Fish – you didn't know what was fact or fiction.

I gained 40 pounds working at McDonald’s. I started in eighth grade. I worked there two years every day from 4 to 7 p.m. after school. The problem were the nuggets. They're already done and they're easily accessible. So every time I walked past the nuggets I’d just pop one in. And, dude, one chicken nugget is like 50 calories, easy. I was enormous.

Pranks were my thing. One time, I made a Big Mac for a customer with 10 patties. I jammed it down and put it in the box. I watched the guy open it and it sprung out like a slinky. 

I had Burger King the other day on Flatbush. It was horrendous.

Kareem with his late father.

I didn't have my first avocado until I was 25. I didn't even know what they were. I think my ex-girlfriend, who was a foodie, which is an abhorrent term, put me on to avocados. Growing up, avocados were not in the budget because they were way too expensive. I said to her, ‘gross, avocados. Why are they green? This is stupid. Why are we putting this weird thing in here?’ Then I tried it and was like, ‘this is fire.’

I'm a breakfast all day guy. That's actually how me and my girlfriend met. I put on my Hinge profile that I love breakfast for dinner. 

Our first date was going to a diner in Park Slope. I also love diners. You can be at a diner for seven hours and no one says a damn thing to you. I take a lot of meetings at diners. That's my primary place. It always throws people off. They're like, let's go to Soho House. And I'm like, let's go to Cozy Soup ‘N’ Burger. Let’s go to Three Decker Diner in Greenpoint.

I don't like the service at Soho House, it’s awful. You have to wave someone over like they're all a bunch of servants. I would rather have someone at the diner come to me every 15 minutes and say, ‘is everything ok?,’ then have to flag a guy down who's my age and hates his job. I probably go to a diner every single week.

I always get table pancakes, which is my invention. That’s the starter that everyone shares. I have a specific way of eating pancakes. The hack is to cut the stack of pancakes like a pizza, then you pour the syrup on. That way, the syrup gets sponged rather than sitting on top of the pancake and sliding off onto the sides. This way, it’s all pre-absorbed.

A sandwich to me used to be the most boring thing on Earth. When I was young, my mother—and I’m not kidding—made me cold cheese sandwiches. It was just white bread with one slice of fucking cheese. It was not even toasted. No sauce either. Back then I didn’t know sandwiches can be incredible. I'm a late bloomer. That’s my whole thing. I just started listening to The Beatles. 

I'm like the worst Muslim in the world. But I won’t eat pork – that rule is just really easy. Pepperoni, though, that I can fuck with on a special occasion. Prince Street Pizza, I think is probably my favorite pepperoni slice. I've had a ton of them, and each one is worth the sin. 

Kareem (right) during a recent episode of Keep the Meter Running, his popular TikTok series.

Keep the Meter Running has helped me be a little bit more of an adventurous eater. On one episode, the guest had me split this traditional Ghanaian soup with him. It was in the Bronx. This restaurant called Accra. They serve the soup with this spongy bread that you dip into the soup and slurp it up with. I was like, ‘wait, we both use the same bowl?’ And he was like, ‘yeah.’ ‘This is absurd,’ I said. ‘What if one of us is sick?’ He said: ‘just stay on your side and I'll stay on mine.’  

If you’re gonna use Old El Paso tacos and seasoning, then you gotta buy high quality meat and high quality vegetables. That’s the hack. No one can ever tell. Everyone always says, ‘wow these are so good.’ 

My girlfriend is Russian. She’s from Siberia originally. She’s exposed me to a lot of Russian food, which, like their humor (which is smart and dark and, like all great humor, the byproduct of oppression), I find lovely. We go to Mari Vanna every year for her birthday. We’ll also go to Veselka, which is Ukrainian but similar. Wonderful dumplings. 

My friend’s dad invented macaroni and cheese on a stick. He sold it at the Minnesota State Fair, which is absolute fire. I worked for him one summer. My job was to take these balls of macaroni and cheese that were essentially encrusted in flour and deep fried…I’d take them six at a time, put them on a stick and then I’d put the stick in a box until the box was filled and then pass them along in this assembly line. The state fair is one of my favorite memories. Ten days, two million people.

It’s the theatrics at Balthazar. You feel like you're a character in a movie and the movie is about New York. The energy and the servers and the freaking oyster bar and the grand beautiful ceilings. It looks like it's been there for a hundred years, but it's only been there for 27. Keith McNally makes it feel like the center of the city. Anytime I want to remind myself that I live in New York, I go to Balthazar and I double down on the theatrics by ordering a Seafood Tower. It’s a spectacle. It’s six feet tall. People can't stop looking at you. You're like the main character of the restaurant. 

The best meal I've had in years is at this place in Ridgewood called Rolo’s. There's this steak with chimichurri sauce. The burger is fire. The fried polenta bread unbelievable. It's the first time I ever left a Google review. The place reminds me of why you should go out to eat. When I go to Balthazar, it’s more about pursuing an energy. It sets the tone for the rest of the night. When I go to Rolo’s, that is the night.