Restaurant Dos & Don'ts Vol. 1
Manners maketh the diner
Without rules, society would collapse into chaos. That’s especially true when dining out, which requires a basic understanding of human decency. The entire restaurant experience is built on hungry flesh-and-blood strangers knowing how to behave. You might think you’re above such codes of conduct, but you’re not. No one is.
This is where The Supersonic’s Restaurant Do’s & Don’ts Vol. 1 comes in: a definitive, ever-evolving guide to eating with a little dignity. These are more than suggestions: manners are the only things separating us from banana-smashing rage monkeys.
Do you have any additions? Email us your personal dos and don'ts here. We’re out here doing God’s work.
👍 DO: Place your phone face down on the table. Hopefully, in the future, all restaurants will ban phones.
👎 DON’T: Answer a call. Step away. Step outside. Step anywhere that isn’t here. For the love of all that’s holy, do not subject the restaurant to your inane conversation.
👍 DO: Volunteer to make the reservation. It’s not that hard, but it’s nice to be the person who says, “I’ll make the resy.”
👎 DON’T: Ghost on that reservation. What are you, a monster?
👍 DO: Eat sushi in one bite. That’s how it’s done: the fish-to-rice ratio is designed for a single chomp.
👎 DON’T: Dip your sushi into your soy sauce multiple times. It’s not a Chicken McNugget. And remember: dip it (once) fish side down.
👍 DO: Walk in. Live dangerously! You may get lucky and score a two-top somewhere buzzy. There are cancellations all the time.
👎 DON’T: Turn your nose up at diners. Every place booked? Greasy spoons are built to feed folks on the go. You cannot go wrong with a BLT and a side of fries. Hey, get a chocolate milkshake while you’re at it.
👍 DO: Enjoy a long, lazy lunch. It was good enough for Don Draper.
👎 DON’T: Stop eating slop bowls. You’re busy, we get it. Grab a sandwich instead. Nobody should be eating $20 hubcaps full of bougie chow.
👍 DO: Get gussied up. When was the last time you put on a tie? Is there a little black dress that hasn’t been seen in public since last year? It’s okay to look nice.
👎 DON’T: Wear sweatpants. True story: every night of the week, someone wears their gym clothes to some upscale bistro, and it’s a vibe killer.
👍 DO: Stand in line. Why not? The aquachile verde is incredible.
👎 DON’T: Complain while standing in line. This is the price you pay for the incredible aquachile verde.
👍 DO: Make eye contact with your server. Yes, you have social anxiety. Who doesn’t? But when you’re in public, we really must insist you engage with other human beings.
👎 DON’T: Roll your eyes during the spiel. Listen to the specials. Appreciate a job well done. It’s part of the show.
👍 DO: Ask for a wine recommendation. Smile while you do it. This is fun. Why does everyone have to be an expert?
👎 DON’T: Slurp the wine when you taste it. Oh, you’re a sommelier? No? We know.
👍 DO: Smile politely when the server delivers a plate of sizzling fajitas to the table next to you. Yes, you should have ordered them, but it’s too late now.
👎 DON’T: Point and shout, “OMG THAT LOOKS SO-O-O GOOD.” Yeah, the crab fried rice is good as hell. Keep your eyes on your own plate. (You know who you are.)
👍 DO: Order all the apps. Life is short. Spend the money — none of us are retiring anyway.
👎 DON’T: Order just the crudo. That’s barely a mouthful for one person.
👍 DO: Make yourself happy. You want chicken tendies? Great, get them.
👎 DON’T: Apologize for loving chicken tendies. They’re delicious. Do what you want.
👍 DO: Eat the table butter. First things first.
👎 DON’T: Ask for more bread. Unless you intend to eat it as well. And by all means, carb it up.
👍 DO: Tell a corny, off-color joke at the table. Don’t have a joke? Tell a funny story, instead. Ask a silly question. Once upon a time, before screens, we had to entertain each other. It’s a good thing.
👎 DON’T: Be obnoxious. You want them laughing with you, not cringing because you made it weird.
👍 DO: Make a mess. It’s BBQ, a shrimp boil, birria. Get in there. The handiwipe is there for a reason.
👎 DON’T: Eat the last splotch of guacamole with your fingers. Everyone gets why you’d do that, but don’t.
👍 DO: Bum a smoke after the meal. If you want.
👎 DON’T: Wonder why you smell like an ashtray. You made a choice. Choices have consequences. Etc.
👍 DO: Try new foods. Challenge yourself. Grow. After all, cultivating taste is about experiencing things you may not find palatable.
👎 DON’T: Spit out foods you don’t like. What, are you twelve? Don’t like the texture of okra? Too bad, swallow it down.
👍 DO: Finish the whole Italian sub. You know, the one with prosciutto, fresh mozzarella, hot soppressata, arugula, and hot pepper spread on Stirato bread.
👎 DON’T: Sheepishly say “I’ll finish the rest later.” It’s going to get soggy, anyway.
👍 DO: Order the damn dessert. And whatever you do, don’t say “I can’t” or “I shouldn’t.” You can, you should, one molten chocolate lava cake coming up.
👎DON’T: “Steal a bite.” That’s how you get stabbed with a fork. You should have ordered your own molten chocolate lava cake, but you didn’t. Live with your decisions.
👍 DO: Gnaw on the bones. Chicken wings are not meant to be nibbled. Chew on that cartilage, king.
👎 DON’T: Talk with your mouth full. This is something everyone should have learned as a child, but guess what? Not everyone did.
👍 DO: Tip 20%. It’s part of the ticket price. Every great meal you’ve ever had has been project-managed by a server who knows what they’re doing — attentive, friendly, keeping the train running on time.
👎 DON’T: Order DoorDash. That shit is so expensive now. There are always items missing, and the food arrives cold. Put on pants and go out into the world.
👍 DO: Say please. For instance: “Can we get the check, please?”
👎 DON’T: Ask for the check by scribbling your signature in the air. No one — absolutely no one — likes a mime.
👍 DO: Ask for extra mayo. You never can have enough. If anyone asks, tell them this is how it’s done “in Europe” before dipping your fry.
👎 DON’T: Get mayo shamed. There are going to be people in your life who will attempt to “yuck your yum.” Do not let them.
👍 DO: Grab a nightcap. What is a nightcap? It’s the way old school hedonists did it: one more for the road. A final little drinky-poo.
👎 DON’T: Close the bar. Unless that’s the plan. If that’s the plan, good for you. YOLO.
👍 DO: Join Blackbird. Eat out. Earn rewards. Life is good.
👎 DON’T: Forget to tap the puck.
[12:03 PM]